I did it. After hours of labour, no drugs, and a big push, I launched "my site". Except unlike the actual births of my babies (no drugs may I add!) I didn't have the same exact feeling. Instead I spent all day emotionally draining myself about it and constantly questioning if it was good enough? Ugh.
It wasn't even really ready, I knew there were mistakes I wouldn't see but others would. But I'm like that, impulsive. I get so excited that I have almost finished something that I have poured my heart into and as soon as that adrenaline kicks in, I am all over sharing it. Sharing my emotions and feelings in words that are missing or don't necessarily make sense. The spelling is usually correct thanks to spell check, but is the rest? Is it ever? Ugh.
There's always been two parts of me: one that cares and one that doesn't. They are constantly fighting in me and mostly the one that doesn't care wins, which is how I'd prefer it. So it leaves the one that does care apprehensive about it all. It's so annoying, and for some silly reason after the fact that I've shared something, I look for the worse. I pay little to the attention to the attention it gets and more attention on what attention it doesn't get. And then, I totally go through the whole "who cares, I like it, they liked, I'm happy, I'm doing this, yes!" conversation in my head every.single.time.
The truth is, here it is. This is me. This is my website I birthed with mistakes and all that I will constantly be changing and growing because as a photographer I am constantly changing and growing.
And as for the way I think about everything in my life, there is a reason. A reason I prematurely did it and a reason I am happy with it. It will surface in time and I will look back and smile, I always do. Because nothing is better than a smile.
From my heart to yours, thank you for the love.